個人檔案THIS WORLD IS A CRUEL PL...相片部落格清單更多  |  工具 說明 |
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17 September SADISTIC PERFORMERS.Sadistic Performers,
they love to play a part,
false speech,
actors in love with attention.
The magnetic field that seems to surround them
within their aura.
A fetish, an addiction they can't live without!
These people fail to understand such damage
caused by their sadistic performing,
staged in front of those who wish to see
deeper into the eyes that not even they know nor
understand,
although maybe their fear of further knowledge
into their own light or darkness, overtakes them,
overwealms them,
therefore they stage their performance for all to see,
in hope of being completely accepted.
This Is Only A Form Of False
Existance. 12 September YOUR LOVE 4 ME WAS REAL.DON'T SATURATE MY HEART WITH GREIF,
THERE IS NO NEED, FOR ALREADY,
I HAVE RECIEVED MY PUNISHMENT AND THAT WAS...
LOSING YOU.
I HAVE NEVER LET GO,
MY GRIP GREW WEAK,
AND STILL WITHIN MY HEART LOVE FOR YOU,
IT WILL STILL FLOW.
ALTHOUGH YOUR EYES WON'T SEE.
AND TO THIS, IT DEVESTATES ME.
YOUR LOVE FOR ME WAS REAL,
WITH OR WITHOUT MAKE UP,
AND DURING THE DIFFICULT SHIT WE HAD TO WALK THROUGH,
AND NOW........?
HAS OUR LOVE FINALLY REACHED ITS
DEATH?
WILL YOU PLEASE REPLY TO ME,
WE NEED TO CONTINUE THIS?
11 September CAN WE REALLY B FRIENDS?Can u truly even b a friend?
I would hate to lose that.
I have already lost too much, but maybe we are better of this way?
I come round and your thoughts r completely negative and against me.
But know i don't blame you.
Be aware that within all people, even King Regan there lies flaws,
some deeper and continually re-opened wounds,
this is me,
Change will come, because i already feel it grow within me.
My wounds have been opened again, and again, and again.
One day, u will see a new me.
I always hope and pray on that, that this announcement will be revealed as true
in the future, hopefully sooner than later.
I will never speak against u to our children because i have no reason to,
and it is completely inapropriate and damaging to them,
We both need to compliment eachother as we walk this tightrope i seem to have no balance for,
for the sake of our beautiful boys and that they see we don't hate eachother,
and so they also understand that people are never going to b perfect,
but we still love.
so u will always know them to think only highly of u. 10 September COME BACK 2 ME.Be mine again, please be mine?
I need your help, your love, this i cannot go without!
The word love means nothing for it is only a word,
my plans for us went deeper and through stupidity and self indulgence,
they were erased.
Forget all i have done to you and let us start anew,
i will find help, and let you take charge over my every move.
Is it even the slightest bit possible to turn back the clock or have i finally,
completely blown it all?
come back to me, please help me, and help me make this work.
PLEASE. 7 September PLEASE WAIT FOR ME.Please wait for me.....
Let patience take its place in your heart,
And i will let healing take its place in my mind.
Soon as time brings me back to reality, back to appropriate living,
i know that you will again be mine and i will again and always be yours.
Please wait......
Within me there is no hate,
I am the one who has failed you,
You have never once failed me, and yet i don't understand why?
How can you possibly still hold love for me?
I never really understood how deep your love lies within your heart for me.
This, i don't understand.
But you....i cannot afford to lose forever,
everything will one day be alright,
we......will......be......alright,
the both of us, will forever be together.
i love you babestez. 5 September CAN'T EVEN HANDLE MYSELF.I let go_
Am i free? How the **** would i know!
Life as it was to an extent ****** and to a certain degree was great!
Now, ha, ha, ha i don't ****** know?
I beg only for life, i wish to be excepted not rejected through the ****** up shit i do.
Otherwise if you reject me and my ****** up ways, i enjoy self mutilation,
i inflict upon myself, the punishment i deserve, the right to put myself below.
This is the only thing that feels good!
Walk from me if you can't handle me.
I can't even handle myself.
WILL POWER HAS BECOME MY FLAW.Life? We live, we love, we lose love, we recieve punishment,
we display guilt, and condemnation makes its decission to intrude.
Enter the growing desire within us to continue against it.
We call "come forward, towards me"
The strong force that convinces us to say the words,
"i give up" the meaning behind such words penetrates deep within me.
And so my will power has become my flaw, it kneels, bows, surrenders,
and speaks "all is now too hard!" WISH TO LIVE WHAT I WAS ROBBED.Blood is life giving, SO DRAIN ME OF IT!
Life is death giving, SO SATURATE ME WITH IT!
Life is death and death is life, breathe into me what i have breathed into others,
and therefore i know and garantee, thy living will fade and i shall die.
Of evil was i born and of evil will i die?
Just like all who wish to live what they were robbed. 4 September YOUR FREE.We were great most times,
This seems to be the simplest way to comunicate such feelings to you.
It's no surprise to me as to why trust is a word that dispays no
sincerety within it, when it is spoken back and forth between us.
We need to be honest about the fact that we were doing well just recently.
And yes, you are my rock and you will forever be my rock.
Your love for me was beyond any love that i cauld have ever imagined myself to have had,
What the **** happened to us!
It was me, and it was always me, You cauld always be trusted, I knew that,
But why did i make it hard for you? I don't understand.
I have been confused for so long and my head always hurts, i wish the pain would stop,
but in this life there is no putting into reverse.
I wish this not to be goodbye, because your choice, beleive it or not, i do love you.
I have givin you no reason to believe anything i say,
but, i do love you.
Please forgive my betrayel, I have not gone out of my way to stab you in the heart.
At least now.............
You Are Free, To have friends, to enjoy your life, to be eventually free of debt and free of.....
ME. 31 August WHEN GUILT SETS IN.When guilt sets in.....
why do i do the shit i do? As the guilt tares at my heart, i await the slow condemnation and conviction to overtake.
As the pain of tears enters my eyes, burning is the pain i feel.
Mistakes continue in my life, i don't understand why?
Why is it that guilt reached my heart too late?
Is it because i'm of evil substance or am i just a product of humanity screwed up?
trying to be rid of such shit, i have no control of it.
There is no more i can say, but....
I am over it! 28 August STRANGE.Ok, life is slightly strange right now.
A never ending cycle of failing.
What do i do?
How do i fix it?
where do i start?
where should i go first, towards recovery?
will it be hard?
am i slowly mentally killing myself?
now i'm just sick of typing so i'm better off just givin up on this entry.
i'll b back when i feel worth something even to the slightest. 23 August ALL FAILS.Love the course of lifes guidance, we gain sorrow through lifes tests.
The tests we usually fail.
We gain pain through the path we decide to take, because it's usually the wrong one.
The decissions we make are nearly always wrong, therefore we suffer.
There is no winning in this round giant ball of shit
We are the guineapigs, a science project, to be observed and lead to the slaughter.
then we die.
What comes next.....
Well we cauld say this... if we succeeded in our exam, we then reap the benefit,
If we fail, which most of us will, cause the secrets of this life are way too complex to understand why
we have to reach the understanding of how life was meant to be lived.
And i sure as hell have no freakin idea, on how we make effort strong enough to overcome our selfish ambitions.
I really do have a love for u all,
take on nothing that devours the soul. 21 August MOTIVES.what r our motives for doing the things we do so carelessly?
there's never an answer for anything.
although if anyone of u feel as though the answer to this lies within you,
let all who wish to have the answer know.
the word motive is a complicated and difficult word to analyze,
not even i have the solution to what drives us to act on things we know
are going to hurt people around us.
maybe one day if we grow the desire to create a formular
that contains the power to eliminate such a disease.
tha is exactly what it is! A FREAKIN DISEASE.
It kill, it destroys, not just the mind but the body also,
but there are those of us who enjoy inflicting such pain and anguish
on those so close to us, or there's those of us who constantly repeat these mistakes
and still go back for more even knowing the consequinces
of such acts, so therefore we must need salvation. 20 August APOLOGIES.I NEED TO APOLOGISE FOR SUCH SADDEST METERIAL
WITHIN MY SPACE.
I AM NOT A CARBON COPY OF THE MELONCOLLIE BLOGS
THAT YOU ALL READ HERE.
I SIMPLY WRITE WHAT I AM UNABLE TO SPEAK AND
EXPRESS IN REALITY
SO THIS IS MY WAY OF EXPRESSING EMOTIONS THAT
NO ONE USUALLY TAKES TIME OUT TO CARE FOR.
YOU ARE ALL WONDERFUL AND LIFE REALLY ISN'T AS BAD AS IT MAY SOMETIMES
SEEM. 4 THE **** OF IT.JUST TYPING FOR THE **** OF IT.
MY SITUATION ON NO DIRECTION
HAD IT, NOW IT'S BEEN REMOVED FROM MY OPTIONS
DO YOU WISH FOR ME TO REVEAL WHAT THE HELL I AM GOIN ON ABOUT?
WELL......
MY HOPE WAS TO ONE DAY BECOME A NURSE
*THAT DREAM WAS SNATCH RUDELY FROM UNDERNEITH ME, COST AT TAFE $7000
*I AM NOT A FREAKIN MILLIONAIRE! AND CANNOT AND WILL NOT APPLY FOR A LOAN
*NXT OPTION, CHILD STUDIES, HA HA HA LOL. TAFE $3000
* NO ****** MONEY! "DIDN'T I JUST SAY I HAVE NOT THAT KIND OF CASH", NOR WILL I DO THE LOAN THING
I WAS FORCED TO LEAVE SCHOOL WHEN I WAS YOUNG AFTER YEAR 7, THEN I DID AN ADULT COURSE FOR YR 9 AND 10
SO I ONLY RECIEVED A YR 10 CERT, SO I DO NOT HAVE AN OP TO GET INTO UNI!
SO LOOKS LIKE MY LAST OPTION I'LL HAVE TO GO WITH...
WHICH IS, GOING BACK TO SCHOOL TO DO YR 11 AND 12, AND THEREFORE I WILL FAIL... BECAUSE I SEEM TO BE A PRO AT
SUCH THINGS AS FAILING
FAILURE IS MY TALENT, MY GIFT.
WELL ENOUGH OF THAT ****, LETS ENJOY LIFE.
DESIRED, NOT. If u can handle the shit i write, let me know.
there's a little more i'd like to say but at this point in time i am unable to let inspiration within me free.
i wish i had more of a possitive outlook on life and the issues that linger along with it but,
i don't think that i do.
apart from my beautiful boys who are very much apart of me,
i just hope that they will not be as saddest as myself, and that they will embrace the fullness of how life should be lived.
My husband is my air at the moment and i hope that he doesn't read this and think i'm being over dramatic, (it is not as that)
But for everything else that comes along with the purchase of life that we don't actually ask for,
i have not desired, i have not wished to breathe for.
My first breath was not of my own choice, i did not ask for exisistance, but of course now,
I do not ask to die. 18 August BEAUTIFULConfusion is an understatement when it comes down to the crunch,
why is there so many choices, decissions and paths to take, to choose?
how would it feel to die?
Is death something to look forward to, to run towards? as most of us seem to do.
you ask, "how do most of us run towards the dim light death offers to us?"
The damage we continually inflict upon ourselves and one another,
through the highlights of the fantastic temporary satisfaction of alcohol and drugs,
and all that we think our bodies can afford to consume.
these awesome self abuse habits we feel we have the right to put ourselves through
are slowly but exceedingly succeeding in their destructive nature in lovingly destroying you.
therefore take a deep breath in and pray to whomever you wish that death is how you expected.
enjoy the repeated neglect, remain in your wishful thinking and your temporary enjoyment and satisfaction of your current life
soon, it will be gone.
it's beautiful. 26 July DEMOLITION LOVERS.Hand in mine, into your icy blues And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway With this trunk of ammunition too I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets I'm trying, I'm trying To let you know just how much you mean to me And after all the things we put each other through and I would drive on to the end with you A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full And I feel like there's nothing left to do But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running But this time, I mean it I'll let you know just how much you mean to me As snow falls on desert sky Until the end of everything I'm trying, I'm trying To let you know how much you mean As days fade, and nights grow And we go cold Until the end, until this pool of blood Until this, I mean this, I mean this Until the end of... I'm trying, I'm trying To let you know how much you mean As days fade, and nights grow And we go cold But this time, we'll show them We'll show them all how much we mean As snow falls on desert sky Until the end of every... All we are, all we are Is bullets I mean this [x4] As lead rains, will pass on through our phantoms Forever, forever Like scarecrows that fuel this flame we're burning Forever, and ever Know how much I want to show you you're the only one Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever 21 July PERFECTION ISN'T POSSIBLE SO I GAVE UP TRYING.Making the decission
Will we decide on what we are or who we were Sposed to be?
Trusting the antisapation on what is, what we Hope for, will we fall and continue getting up Again and hope that we don't fall again?
Or should we choose to fall and stay where we Can just live and just be?
If my path was determined for me than let it Be as though it were.
Life feels as though we are forever trying so Hard to acheive the impossible and still there
Seems to be no-one who stays faithful when we Are unfaithful, who loves us even when we do Do not love.
We long to be capable of perfection but Perfection isn't possible so i gave up trying, i Just want to live, and just be.
emo_tionalbeautyqueen.
20 July IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME.We may not get back what we had, what I threw away
But you know I would do anything, anything you say I'd cross a thousand miles of broken glass on my hands and knees I would crawl if for a moment we could cease hostilities But it seemed like such a good idea at the time, such a very very good idea at the time. I don't know where I am, I don't know where I went wrong either way let's start again I don't know where I am, I don't know where I went wrong I don’t know where to start again Now the dream is over, believe me I’m all down That you always seem to come alive when I am not around And it seemed like such a good idea at the time, such a very very good idea at the time. I don't know where I am, I don't know where I went wrong either way let's start again I don't know where I am, I don't know where I went wrong I don’t know where to start again Now the dream is over, believe me I’m all down That you always seem to come alive when I am not around And it seemed like such a good idea at the time, such a very very good idea at the time. I don't know where I am, I don't know where I went wrong either way let's start again I don't know where I am, I don't know where I went wrong I don’t know where to start… again
To my beautiful husband, who i truly love and adore I will yearn your trust again and will never again hurt you I love you...
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